Beau Bo D’Or
By Neil
neil@b b d o . co . uk
A bit of a departure for me - excuse the two repeated pictures, needed for the complete article.
Des Browne Confronted by Max Clifford
Today Defence Secretary Des Browne categorically denied he and the MOD had totally lost their bearings and strayed into Max Clifford’s territory by promoting the Iran ‘hostage’ story to the media.
Followed closely by a pack of journalists, perma tanned Max Clifford, sporting his trademark wireframe spectacles and wearing an open-necked white linen shirt and chinos confronted a suddenly tanned Des Browne as he left Specsavers, sporting new designer wireframe spectacles and wearing chinos and an open-necked white linen shirt.
The newly brown Browne’s efforts to avoid the press were foiled as he sought sanctuary, first in the local Primark (overrun due to false sale rumours), Topshop as Kate Moss was promoting her new line and then H&M as Madonna launched her new fashion range.
Accepting the inevitable, Browne agreed to discuss the events of the last two weeks.
Fortunately, a nearby cinema, showing a Guy Ritchie retrospective, provided a suitable venue, although the echo sometimes made it hard to hear clearly.
Browne insisted that he and his colleagues had done no wrong and were operating well within Government mandated boundaries.
“It is well known“, he added, “that Clifford regularly ignored accepted conventions in his dealings with the media, manufacturing stories and resisting full independent inspection of his self enrichment programme.”
Exclusive TV Deal for Former Captive
Clifford refuted all allegations and another made later that he was jealous of the MOD’s success in securing an exclusive TV appearance for one of the former captives.
Brown, addressing the recent ban on servicemen talking to the media, denied Clifford’s assertion that this was a pre-planned move to allow the reporting of only those items the Government deemed fit for their own political purposes.
Tehran Insists All Military Equipment Returned
Meanwhile, in Tehran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad added to the controversy by claiming that Iran had not only released their captives but also all their boats and equipment.
Claiming deceit on the part of the British, he stated that the equipment, delivered to Tehran Airport with the servicemen, had been lost by British Airways.
The claims, he says, are supported by lost luggage data recently released by the UK’s Air Transport Users Council and an extract from the current BA London Eye brochure.
Cuddly Toys
Continuing his PR offensive, Ahmadinejad produced more footage of the captors selecting items to augment their goody bags which had been donated by the benevolent Iranian people, adding that there had been some infighting amongst the hostages as an incredible memory lapse by two contestants resulted in the loss of their ‘cuddly toy’ gifts.
Davina McCall Permitted to Honour Advertising Contract
Displaying a tolerance unseen before in Iran, Ahmadinejad graciously allowed Davina McCall to meet the evictees, minus headscarf. This move, he stated, was both an acknowledgment of Western values and a generous gesture to Garnier whose Nutrisse hair-colouring product Mccall advertises.
He did, however refuse McCall’s other request to bring with her a representative sample of a Big Brother eviction audience on the grounds that they would strike mortal fear into the hearts of his otherwise unflappable Revolutionary Guard.
PM’s Personal Sacrifice, Cherie’s Grief
Back in Britain, PM Tony Blair was fêted by his party for the key role he played in repatriating the servicemen.
Having had similar negotiations (albeit on a smaller, more personal scale) Blair made painful sacrifices to ensure the safe and comfortable return of the famous fifteen to British soil.
The effects of these sacrifices on Blair’s family remain to be seen, but medical experts believe they may include deep vein thrombosis and cramps in the facial muscles as noses are turned up at economy-class food.
BA cabin attendants will in future be issued with protection to prevent inner-ear damage caused by dontyouknowwhoiam-itis and an anticipated, new, more dangerous condition, provisionally named dontyouknowwhomy-
husbandwas-itis..
Downgraded Businessmen Received ‘Gifts’ from British Airways
President Ahmadinejad has suggested that a group of businessmen, downgraded to economy to make room for the servicemen, had been compensated by BA and can now be seen regularly commuting to work on London’s Thames river in two inflatable boats.
Questions Remain
Now this so-called “storm in a teacup” has passed, what questions remain to be answered?
In whose teacup did the storm occur, Iran or Iraq’s?
What were foreign bodies doing, floating about in the teacup in the first place?
And, when others normally lose their personal belongings in a storm, how did those involved come out with more?
in Lilbittapolitix, Pix and Current Events.
1 comment:
How that, Neil?
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